Sobriety Text

30 06 2011

The intuitive text function on my iPhone is pretty handy, but occasionally I send a text in haste, then read it back and cringe. Sort of like when you wake up on the morning and realise that you didn’t dream of sending a text to someone, but you actually did. I don’t think one can really compare the cringe factor of intuitive text malfunctions, with that of a re-reading a slightly inebriated text mishap. Believe me, I know.


Beer Belly

29 06 2011

I have often wondered how men get to the stage where they have an almost perfectly spherical beer belly. Do they appear overnight or is it a gradual thing? I hope it’s the latter, because if beer bellies appear overnight I’m going to have to feign pregnancy as an excuse for an instantly bulging midriff. Names wont be a problem: triplets called Sol, Corona and Peroni.

Furrow lines

28 06 2011

It appears a small tractor has driven across my brow and left behind a series of deep furrows*. I am not impressed.

* the deep dark depressing ruts of inevitable aging (wrinkles).


27 06 2011

You can tell it was hot yesterday by the bald but very hot-headed convertible drivers on this morning’s commute.

Probably wishing they had worn a hat…

Losing face

23 06 2011

A faceless nameless friend of mine told me she is having a late bout of teenage acne (she is in her 30’s).  Not one prone to exaggeration she told me that she has been googling symptoms of leprosy. Ah, the perils of self-diagnosis. I have been asked to buy her a paper bag for her next birthday, should the situation not improve. If I see another fine line on my face before my next birthday I may be getting a paper bag for myself too. Lucky we live in London, because no-one will even look twice.

It’s festival time…

22 06 2011

and half my team has gone off to Glasto. The whole festival thing is not for me. I love being outdoors, I love live music, I love long summer nights. I don’t love camping with 5 million people in varying states of inebriation, wearing wellies for 5 consecutive days and having muesli with beer because there is no milk.

I did go to a mini-festival in the park a few weekends ago. I class it as a festival because it had live music, drunk people, porta-loos and a stall selling my new favourite things…plastic ponchos. I was flagging until the heavens opened and I donned my new blue plastic ensemble. I was quite literally singing in the rain, such liberation.

Since it is Wimbledon fortnight, I guess it is a good thing I have a penchant for ponchos.


21 06 2011

has given me a new perspective. Last night I actually saw the chocolate that had gone from my lips to my hips in a matter of hours. How? When I had my hips by my head I saw the tell-tale signs of a 400g bar of Dairy Milk.