The Birds

31 01 2011

So I hate pigeons. Fact. Well I don’t hate them as a species, it’s the way they just fly and don’t appear to move out the way, especially when you are directly in their flight path. On Sunday I went for a walk and I passed a massive flock of about 30 all sunning themselves in the weak winter sunshine. There were so many that I thought I should take a picture for a couple of my friends that think I have a phobia of the flying vermin. I was going to send it to them saying how brave I was to be so close to such fearful creatures.

I stopped behind a hedge, pulled out my phone and prepared to take a photo. The pigeon seemingly in charge then took flight and with no exaggeration flew directly for me. All I could see was beady eyes, flapping feathers and the sun shining behind him (Hitchcock eat your heart out for this scene.) I squealed and bent myself backwards in a matrix/limbo style movement, saving myself from having an pigeon impaled in my chest. Unfortunately the flapping (and possibly screaming) from me and the master pigeon disturbed the rest and they all took flight – all towards me. I’d like to say I just casually walked away, all calm and collected, but I ducked behind the hedge – crouching down, my hands on my head muttering “I hate them, I hate them”, much to the amusement of a man who had watched the whole episode unravel. It was very funny if not very traumatic – and I have had no support only mockery from my ‘friends’.

Scene 1

Scene 2

Scene 3

And this is in no way an exaggeration. It is a reconstruction. Like on crime watch.




One response

31 01 2011
Gem (aka young friend)

As one of your mocking “friends” I stand by the COMMON SENSE that they are NOT out to get you, they DO NOT have Kirsty-radar and will endeavour to help you through this v weird phobia. However I do like the idea that they are wearing bomber jackets when they dive for you. He he he!

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