The year of the Humerus

4 01 2011

New Year’s Eve was, as always, nothing if not entertaining. A couple of friends and I were standing in a pub recounting the events of 2010 and waiting until the clocks chimed 12. Now it is a well documented fact that I am a weirdo magnet. If there is a weirdo in a 5km radius, he will find me, like a heat seeking missile. Weirdo number 1 arrived in our midst – and started talking to…my mate Gemma! He didn’t even give me a look in – I was momentarily flabbergasted – I had obviously lost “it” – whatever “it”was. Poor guy didn’t last long, but he gave it his all, and I settled back with my Peroni to watch in amusement, thinking I had obviously handed my gift onto my young friend. Then our mate came back from the bar and told us she had spent the majority of the last ten minutes talking to a party-hat-wearing-pensioner who had been blatantly hitting on her. Now I was starting to feel left out. Then Nathan arrived. Nathan of Shakespearean times – he started with – wouldeth thouest carest to partaketh in a dropeth of the finest of wine with my good self (he didn’t have a lisp – but seemed to think old-fashioned English was the new way to woo(eth) the ladies). I asked him what he did and he said, “I am an actor, in clapham, balham, blah blah blah”. “Ah, so you are a thespian?” I said. He looked at me blankly and said, “No, I am an actor”. I had “it” back in abundance. I then changed tactic. “Are you here alone?” (on day release perhaps?). He looked at me quizzically, and in all seriousness said, “Am I a gnome?”. W E I R D O. I made an excuse to go to the ladies stifling the giggles.

Surely that is enough for one night’s entertainment? Oh no! I was standing in a lengthy queue in the ladies listening to the three girls in front of me. One said to her mates, ” I won a bet on the way here – I bet the cabbie his car that I could lick my elbow.” Now this I HAD to listen to. She then lifted up her arm – and stuck out her tongue – and what do you know – she licked her elbow. “NO F@*!’n WAY” – shouted her mate (10 decibel’s higher) – “I can do it too.” Squeals of delight echoed round the crowded cubicles. Now both girls in front of me had their arms up and tongues out and were doing the seemingly impossible. I think number 3 did it as well but I can’t be sure, because I was so busy trying to take it all in and wondering if I could do it too.  Very humerus indeed. 2011 is set to be as entertaining as 2010 if NYE is anything to go by!

Welcome back and Happy New Year… and I dare you to try lick your elbow.




One response

4 01 2011
Gem (aka young friend)

I have stretched, even done some lunges, but alas I cannot lick my elbow! :( I have clearly failed in life.

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