The Birds

31 01 2011

So I hate pigeons. Fact. Well I don’t hate them as a species, it’s the way they just fly and don’t appear to move out the way, especially when you are directly in their flight path. On Sunday I went for a walk and I passed a massive flock of about 30 all sunning themselves in the weak winter sunshine. There were so many that I thought I should take a picture for a couple of my friends that think I have a phobia of the flying vermin. I was going to send it to them saying how brave I was to be so close to such fearful creatures.

I stopped behind a hedge, pulled out my phone and prepared to take a photo. The pigeon seemingly in charge then took flight and with no exaggeration flew directly for me. All I could see was beady eyes, flapping feathers and the sun shining behind him (Hitchcock eat your heart out for this scene.) I squealed and bent myself backwards in a matrix/limbo style movement, saving myself from having an pigeon impaled in my chest. Unfortunately the flapping (and possibly screaming) from me and the master pigeon disturbed the rest and they all took flight – all towards me. I’d like to say I just casually walked away, all calm and collected, but I ducked behind the hedge – crouching down, my hands on my head muttering “I hate them, I hate them”, much to the amusement of a man who had watched the whole episode unravel. It was very funny if not very traumatic – and I have had no support only mockery from my ‘friends’.

Scene 1

Scene 2

Scene 3

And this is in no way an exaggeration. It is a reconstruction. Like on crime watch.


Hide & Seek

28 01 2011

Yesterday at work we had a team building day in Richmond park. The morning activity to get us ready and alert for the day ahead was hide and seek. I ran full pelt (as much as a skirt and boots would allow), towards a big tree and plastered myself against its trunk, much to the amusement of a guy out for his morning run. Highly recommended.


27 01 2011

When you are tired everything seems magnified out of proportion, I therefore do not recommend being tired and using a magnification mirror. Its job is to magnify every eyebrow hair, every pore and every part of you at least 10x. When one is tired this is approximately 100x more traumatic than usual. Especially when you are plucking your eyebrows.


The wrinklies

26 01 2011

Yesterday at work we were talking about cereal. I feel cheated if I don’t have a (huge) bowl of muesli. The girl I sit next to doesn’t share the love, her reason being that she doesn’t like to eat anything that looks like old people. Poor raisins.

Dog Dirt

25 01 2011

I don’t care what ‘they’ say, stepping in dog poo is never lucky.


24 01 2011

So I like my coffee extra hot. Well extra-extra hot if it be known. So on Saturday I go to treat myself to a coffee. Now I have been to this place before and the girl who makes the coffee is really good at making coffee, really knowledgeable about the beans how they are roasted and all that stuff barista’s need to know. Just don’t ask her for extra hot. OH NO. I had pushed my last memory of asking her for ‘extra hot’ to the recesses of my memory – and it all came flooding back as she launched into her tirade about the boiling point of milk and how she could only boil it to a specific degree and NO MORE. I smiled sweetly. Then in my best “the-customer-is-always-right-and-I -just-paid-two-pound-for- a coffee-from- you-along-with-a-bloomin-loyalty-card” voice, I explained to her that may be the case but could I have it just a bit hotter still. WELL, she was not happy. I know they have to bang the milk jug to get the air out…but there wasn’t that much air in the jug. She then proceeded to tell her friend that it was no good making a roast chicken then burning it to a crisp. Subtle, but I like my ‘chicken’ crispy. Anyway by this point my blood was at the optimum boiling point. She made me a coffee and asked me to try it for temperature. I said it was ok, but not really hot enough, but I would oblige. This was war apparently because she whisked it away from me and insisted she make me another one (still muttering about chickens and the boiling point of milk). She heated the milk and then got out the thermometer…I kid you not. I then got handed a scalding coffee and a “sweet” smile from her and all her colleagues. My coffee and I were fuming when we left. In my head I vowed never to frequent there again. Then I thought about it. I have 4 more stamps on my loyalty card and a free coffee and muffin at stake, so I may just be going back for some more heated discussions for the next four Saturdays, I am sure she will remember me. Anyone want to join me for a coffee?

p.s. Skipsy this one is for you and for all the times we have scalded our taste buds to a crisp for asking for extra hot! Happy Birthday!! xxx

This morning…

21 01 2011

I was quite literally blown away by the power of my new hairdryer.

(there is nothing like body slamming the wall to ensure one is awake)